THE VOICE UNDER THE LEAF - III/III - THE ONLY VOICE

Fevronia was still gazing at the city from her balcony. It was the closing time for the shops and traffic was getting heavy. The car horns sounded crystal clear even though she was on the thirteenth floor. The red brake lights flashing simultaneously made her stick her eyes to the street. She could almost feel the drivers’ nerves that desperately wanted to go home. Mafka used to climb on the wide rail and enjoy her strolls. She either did it because she truly enjoyed it to watch all this havoc from above or she wanted to draw Fevronia’s attention. She would slowly traverse the balcony meowing holding her tail proudly up in the air. She would end this flirtation with danger the moment she touched with her wet nose Fevronia’s fingers longing for her hug.

She wore the scarf around her neck. There was no mirror nearby so she could not see how it looked on her but she felt it gently on her skin. Traffic in the central road was still heavy. Her mind was on fire. Everything was different now. Her daily routine up to now that had her going had no meaning without Mafka. She was disoriented. Everything looked more threatening and hostile than ever. She was silent for so long that had scared her so much. Her new self had scared her. Loss was the strongest punch she had ever felt. How things were going to turn up from now on? Those innumerable words stuck in her throat were going to stay there forever?

The sky was getting dusky. She had no idea how time had flown. Cars were evidently less in the street. You could scarcely hear the horns now. She didn’t have to think it over. She was not to restrain that impulse. And how could she stop a ranging river or words that was going up her throat, tickling her tongue, was about to break down the teeth’s fort and cause floods?

Even though Mafka was absent, every single word that was not spoken all those years were about to come out and set her free. She did not resist. She opened her mouth and, looking the city straight in the eyes, screamed filling the air with all the complaints of the world. It did not resemble a human scream but a wild beast in the forest looking out for its prey. It resembled the first man’s survival scream. It was something eerie that the horns of the few passing cars took with them and smashed it in the air.